Have you ever felt what I feel? This empty emotional daze -- not cold, but merely incomplete. I feel it some days, when I am tired, overwhelmed, or quiet. A chalk-ridden slate, aged in an old attic, the image there is faded, smeared... it is something like this... the thoughts and ideas, the dreams and worries, are out of focus... they rest heavily on my mind and heart, but I cannot decipher them. I can feel the coaxing tendrils of them pulling at my conciousness, but my subconcious refuses to give up their meaning. Perhaps I am sad -- the deep gray of melancholy lingers in that open space between waking and dream. Am I hopeful? The future opens as a tunnel through the woods ahead of me, with no certainties in destination or journey, but only one path to take; filtered-sunlight trickles through the green sky, layering droplets of truth upon the dirt. Am I lonely? A blue-cloaked figure walks the path ahead, and I know it is only I -- I alone, am my only traveling companion, and the friendships found along the way inevitably evaporate, mere pools of refreshment fleeting in their import and fatefully undecided in their tenure. The inner eye rests heavy, blurred with want of rest from weary travel, blurred from tears that will not form in this unreason. As season amidst its changing, still too warm to uncomforting cold, cannot determine its current course and only by the calendar knows the next, I feel a wanderer though I know my road, I feel a wonderer though I know the answer, I feel a worrier though I know great peace, I feel wise though I know am a fool, I feel unwelcome though I know the love of my welcoming family, I feel so very weak though I know that I am stronger than I've ever been. I do not know why, I cry, I do not know why, though only on these days when I know the answer is only what I've hidden away, unwanting to know it, unwilling to see it, undesiring of such merciful understanding, if only to be pleasantly intoxicated, or lethargically attached to this zoned-out emotional daze.

- posted by CreatorBri @ 4:23 PM